Chapter 03: The Dreams
During my stay in The Expanding Light, I had some really strange dreams; I don’t remember what I dreamed every night, but I do know there was a progression to it, which is already interesting on itself. I also dreamed most of the night, every day, which made my sleep somewhat troubled. I’m counting “my first night” as the Sunday-Monday transition, since the Saturday-Sunday night can hardly count as such in my case, as I slept less than five hours after staying up twenty-five!
The first night I dreamed all the time about closed, dark and/or scary places I was trapped in and/or trying to get out from, sometimes with my siblings, sometimes alone. Sometimes I’d be pursued by some kind of danger. For example, in one of those “first night dreams”, I was with my sister walking by a dark city street, when we were chased by a band of people with knives. We managed to escape, but only barely, as I had to put special care on protecting my sister, who was too scared to do anything.
My second night was somewhat similar. Instead of being trapped in dark places, I would find myself severed from people in many ways: always forcefully so; sometimes I got into arguments with family members or friends. I don’t remember much of this night except that I dreamed all night, and that my dreams were not pleasant. It’s curious, because I don’t ever have nightmares (I wouldn’t count these as such anyway) and unpleasant dreams are very rare… yet, I had many of these last for two nights in a row, and while staying at The Expanding Light. Go figure!
During the third night, I dreamed with Swami Kriyananda. This was the Tuesday-to-Wednesday night, which means that, during the day, Lakshman (Swami’s secretary) had told me that Swamiji wasn’t available for an appointment “neither today nor tomorrow.” In this dream, I had finally gotten my appointment with him and I was waiting for him in a dark room where the only illumination was a light that fell into a round table with two chairs next to it. I arrived first, so I sat on one of the chairs, waiting for Swami to come.
After a little while, Swamiji emerged from the darkness with a baby girl in his arms that looked two or three years old in body, but very adult in her face features. The child was dark-skinned and had penetrating, black eyes that looked extremely aware of what was going on around her, extremely intelligent, and extremely evil. Swamiji then excused himself to go look for something and left the baby girl on the table.
Since Swami was not present now, I diverted my attention to the baby girl. She was looking intensely at me. What a surprise! Her face, her dark skin, her eyes (save for the evil look to them) were all Khadijah’s! (For all of those who might not know, Khadijah was my girlfriend for a few months, and my friend-girlfriend for all the rest of the time since a few days after I met her on an online game, three years ago. She was my “dream girl”, exactly how I had always dreamed my girlfriend would be since I was a child, and also the first and only girlfriend I’ve had in this life. I never got to know her personally, however, since both of us have only recently acquired the mobility required for such a meeting, and then I was already committed to go to Ananda.)
I was scared because of her evil eyes and because she was using them to look so intensely at me. But, since she looked so much like Dijah and so much like an adult (only the body was that of a baby’s), I wanted to hug her and to keep her close to me. For a time, I was undecided on whether I should avoid her (she was tangibly evil) or embrace her (she looked like Dijah!), so I just stayed there not knowing what to do. My dream ends here, as far as I remember anyway.
My fourth night, the night before I got my appointment with Swamiji, I dreamed with it again. I was in a room with Lakshman and Swami; he was busy walking around and organizing his things, but he was talking to me and Lakshman nonetheless. I don’t remember anything he said, except that at some point he looked at me and said: “You look exactly like an Indian, except for the white skin. You should be an Indian.” Interestingly enough, the following day he’d tell me, in the real appointment, to go to India.
My fifth night, the one after the appointment, I don’t remember what I dreamed at all, except that Guruji Paramhansa Yogananda was in the dream. Same thing, I believe, for the sixth night, the night after I took discipleship; except on this one I cannot say for sure: I just don’t remember.
I always find it helpful to write about my dreams, because it gives me a better perspective to understand them, or, at least, to realize possible interpretations to them. This “set of dreams” was a very interesting one and I’m glad I decided to put them into writing, because I had never before realized how much more interesting than I first thought they were!
Previous: Chapter 02: The Baggage
Next: Chapter 04: The Climate
